I have always thought of myself as having matured faster then others my age. At times I feel like I had to play the adult role in my life when yet I was still a child. Seeing things I shouldn't have seen, being around things I shouldn't have knew about but yet adjusted to as if it was normal. I dont nessicairaly regret this or having experianced this but at times I feel like there are parts of childhood that I didn't get to experiance. I didnt really have disiplin from anyone. Its like I had to teach myself about and how to have self disiplin, which is one big thing I am still working at. But I know that knowing its what I need is a big step to having it. They say the secret of life is if you want something bad enough you will have it, you will do what you have to do to have it. Another hard thing was having family members who think that the way they act and things they say is normal or reality but yet is not..it makes it hard when its your mother doing or saying these things because that is the one I am supposed to learn from, take after and look up to. Dont get me wrong I love my mother to death with my whole heart && I will always be here for her but it is hard to have to turn away from the rights and the wrongs and know what are the rights and what are the wrongs. Its almost like I have to learn on my own in some ways.
In the last year I feel like my mindstate as matured the most. I feel really at peace with my self most of the time and when I'm not I do things to express my emotions that get me right back to feeling at peace. I used to be ignorent, have really bad anger problems, get mad when people talked bad about me and just waste energy negativley. Well I am very pround to say that my anger has been on a cool low level. I haven't been going completely bizzurk like I used to. I used to care what people said..I have come to the point that really I could care less what anybody has to say about me, I know myself I dont need to listen to someone say negative stuff about me. I mean wasting my time caring about the and the energy..I dont want negative energy in my life and if some one else does thats their life its not mine. I used to try to preach to my friends && family when they made choices I didnt like, now I just ask them.."is this how you want to live your life? At the end of life you die with nothing but the experiances you had on this earth all that matters is that YOU are happy with the experiances you had." I am not one to tell anyone how to live their life. && I wont the most I can do is listen and share my advice.
For the past almosts 11 months now I have been dating Brandon, this man && the love we share has absolutely been life changing for me. The talks with him I had caused me to look at life different, live life different && listen to music different. When we started dating we had a deep connection, we would talk for hours on end about different things in life. Right there I knew he was a man different then any I had ever met && I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with him. I knew we had much in common but more of all I knew we really cared about eachother && our well beings. I felt it, from the first deep conversation we had I felt that he cared. The fact that he opened up to me let me know he knew I cared to. I feel like we cared to listen to each other when we BOTH needed it most. God is good like that;bringing things into your life when you need them most. && thats just what he did for me! Like any other couple Brandon and I have had some really tough times && we have had really rough times where we had to be apart(like we are now). We have argued and yelled at the stop of our lungs, but we adimted to our wrongs and moved on. It made us so much stronger. In the past about 7 or 8 months we have been focousing alot on positivity && happiness which works well for us. We both would rather use positive energy than negative. The negative stuff is all around not worth it. We are not promised tomorrow therfor we should cherish today! I love Brandon with all my heart && I love how our love opened up my eyes to so much. There are not many guys like him, I am forever greatful cause I am blessed!